I subscribe to a daily email roundup and summary of local environmental news called the Salish Sea News and Weather. Yesterday’s installment contained a story from Seattle’s KOMO News called “Got squid? Why officials say you should catch and eat it out of Puget Sound.” It went on to say, “Forget fishing for salmon. Puget Sound crab pots are so passé. Squid is in.” The upshot was that officials had tested local squid for heavy metals and other contaminants, declared them fit for consumption, and now we Pacific Northwest salmon-loving denizens should all switch to squid.
I suggested to the editor that convincing thousands of Puget Sounders to not eat salmon might require a lot of outreach, perhaps even a bit of squid pro quo. He immediately offered to hire me as the publication’s punster home-runster. I told him this was just kraken me up. He said he is nominating me as the Salish Sea News and Weather’s entrant in the Seattle Pun Contest. I humbly and gratefully accepted the nomination and will serve if elected.
It has been suggested that wordplay is both the highest and lowest form of humor, and I am here to confirm that. How? I went Facebooking. Asked their opinions of the switch to squid, friends responded:
Is this a final decision or just tentacle?
There are concerns about squidnapping.
The scales will never tip in favor of squid.
You’d have to be well-armed to catch one of those.
Good lox with that.
Soon they will start the ink-wisition.
I’m heading for squid row if I hafta eat those.
Enforcement by the Cod Squad?
Nobody’ll ever listen to Squid Rock.
Are we gonna play Squidditch?
Your puns are floundering.
Does that mean you’re the sole survivor?
I will miss my salmonchanted evenings.
Yeah. Squid pro quo. No doubt it’ll be a sordid travail of squalid intrigue and fishy politics that’s all but certain to leave squid marks. Roast your stuffed turkeys for now, Salish peeps, but look over your shoulders, because the calamari gala safari is coming for your basters.
And salmon, just move on over. Here’s lookin’ at ya, squid.
With thanks to my fellow punsters: Mike Sato, Marc Catone, Laurie Corsi, Mike Poor, Mashaw McGuinnis, Karen Helmeyer, William Weber, Margaret Schermerhorn, Will Sugg, and Holly Stone Cabe, Ron Klokke and Doug Benecke.